A quiet thought begins lingering in my mind. “Your time serving in this ministry is coming to an end.”
I don’t think much of it at first. I reckon it’s the voice of fear or my own insecurity.
This is what the Lord has called me to. I’m using the gifts he has given me to encourage and build up the church. Serving in this way is according to what I’m passionate about. He wouldn’t want me to lay that aside.
About a month goes by and I begin to notice a pattern. Wednesday afternoons are spent preparing and packing dinner, gathering my guitar and music gear, waking my kids up from their naps and demanding they quickly get their things together and find their shoes.
I’m finding myself in a state of consistent frustration. My joy starts waning. My days feel frantic.
I just need to be more disciplined with my time. The Lord has called me to do this.
My irritability towards my husband and children keep increasing.
The thought rises in my mind again. “Your time serving in this ministry is coming to an end.”
But Lord, I love this ministry! I love working with these teenagers! I love serving in this way! Are you really asking me to give this up?
Crisis in my family hits and I find myself in my car calling our youth pastor. “I just need to take a few weeks off. There are some family issues I need to work on then I’ll be back!”
The time spent at home with my family is refreshing. I discover a curious contentment being home with my kids. It’s odd. I’ve always been one who prefers to be out among the crowds.
As the time approaches for me to return an inner battle begins raging. I long to go back, yet I dread having to pack up my family along with this new found joy of being home.
I should have listened to my heart in that moment. I should have to chosen to follow the desires the Lord is placing in my heart instead of following what I think I should do; or what I think others think I should do.
Lord, maybe you are calling me to lay this ministry aside, but I want to finish out this school year. I can’t just quit!
As this prayer escapes my lips, I quickly remember a Bible Study I did last year. There was a portion where the author discusses the difference of quitting and finishing in ministry.
Again, a small voice gently invades my mind. This time it gives me the confirmation I need…
“It’s not that you are quitting; it’s that you are holding on to something I’ve already finished using you for. It’s time to let it go.”
I have had the honor of leading the worship team for our youth group for the past three years.
Over the past few months, I’ve been feeling the Lord causing some things to shift in my ministry focus.
I shared previously how the Lord convicted me that saying yes means that I’m also saying no. I have been saying yes to serving in different areas and different capacities at church that I have had to say no the people and relationships closest to me.
My husband. My children. My closest friends.
Stepping aside from this ministry was an enormously hard decision, but the Lord is blessing my step of obedience and has extended His peace.