You have maybe heard the concept of the 5 Love Languages. The book by Gary Chapman was extremely popular a few years ago.
If you haven’t, I would encourage you to check it out.
The basic idea says that every person feels and communicates love in one of five ways:
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
- Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
Many people have more than one, but Chapman’s theory suggests that there is one primary language that a person leans towards.
If you’re not sure what your love language is, take this quiz and it will tell you! Don’t worry, it’s not one of those cheesy Facebook quizzes that tells you which 80’s song best describes your life or which of your friends is most likely to get arrested 🙂
When I was first told about this concept I admit, I was skeptical. Now, after being married a few years I’m convinced that understanding my husband’s love language and learning to express it has been vital to supporting the health of our relationship.
My husband and I try to remember that how we individually feel loved is often the same way we instinctively speak it.
My husband’s love language is physical touch – mine is not. Yet I am learning to recognize those moments he expresses physical touch to me as him speaking love in his natural language.
My love language is words of affirmation – his is not. He also is learning to recognize this as my natural language of expressing love to him.
We have come to understand that we need to be intentional in showing love according to the others language. But we also want to be intentional in looking for those times the other is expressing love according to their language – and choose to also accept these moments as expressions of affection too.
I believe that the nurture and consistent tending of our marriage is one of the greatest ways we can serve our Lord.
Think about this…
Healthy marriages are the foundation to healthy families. Healthy families are an important foundation to a strong, united and effective church. An effective church is the foundation to the advancement of God’s Kingdom.
This is why the enemy loves attacking marriages. They are, in many ways, at the source of accomplishing much of the work God is performing in and through us.
So, here are some of my ideas how you can speak love to your spouse according to their language.
I hope what this does is inspire you to consider ways you can intentionally show love to your husband or wife. I hope it inspires you to regularly tend and cultivate your marriage and do your part to keep it strong for Him.
SIMPLE WAYS TO SHOW LOVE TO YOUR SPOUSE
Words of Affirmation
- Say ‘thank you’ for all the hard work they do – either in the home or at their job.
- Say ‘thank you’ for some simple, daily thing they do for you.
- Compliment them on something they do well – in front of others!
- Have you seen an area of maturity or growth in their life? Affirm and confirm it by telling them that you notice.
- Put your phone, ipad or computer away and spend an entire, undistracted evening together.
- Take them on a date to their favorite restaurant.
- Spend some time together doing something they like to do.
- Ask them questions to spark meaningful conversation.
- Grab their hand and hold on as you walk down the grocery store isle.
- Put your arm around them as you’re sitting together in church.
- Offer to give them a massage.
- Gently place your hand on their shoulder or back as a sign of affection.
- Come home with concert tickets to their favorite band or game tickets for their favorite team.
- Surprise them at work with a drink from their favorite coffee shop.
- Buy or make a CD of their favorite songs and put in their car.
- Instead of buying something for a birthday or holiday, make them something.
Acts of Service
- Ask what you can do to help them!!
- Is there a certain chore around the house that is their responsibility? Do it for them.
- Clean out and vacuum their car.
- Get the kids up, dressed and fed while they sleep in.